


A Cruel World

by RuddiestBubbles



Category: MindCrack RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:53:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6731041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuddiestBubbles/pseuds/RuddiestBubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world is a cruel place, where you're never too young to be broken down and beaten. Everyone finds that out eventually, some sooner than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based in the Fallout 4 universe

Zisteau hid behind an old broken down, beaten up car, his double barrel shot gun in hand, eyeing the building before him. He had heard rumors of a cryolater hidden in a safe here, though he doubted it would still be there. But, it was worth the risk. He took a deep breath and charged the door, kicking it open roughly. It hit the wall with a loud clang, startling the few raiders, who pulled out pistols, aiming them at the young mutated guy who had strode into their hideout. 

Zisteau smirked, pointing his shot gun at, what looked like, the leader. "So. What do you have hiding in here? Anything I should know about before I shoot your heads off?" He asked, cocky as ever.

The 'leader' scoffed. "Ha, like you'd be able to manage that!" 

Zisteau gave him a look. "Come get some!" 

He shot the first in the head, the second in the chest, and the third in the throat. Three shots, three kills. Raiders were always way too confident for what little they had. It was pathetic, really. He took what little was valuable from the bodies and scavenged the room, finding a hidden set of stairs, which he went down cautiously.

He was wary of this. Last time he'd found something like this it didn't end well. A group of raiders in power armor against a guy with a shot gun usually won't end well. He peaked around the corner, seeing something that surprised him. A man was tied to a chair in the center of a small room, a single light shinning brightly above him. The man looked so innocent, though he'd obviously been through a lot, most people had. He had brown hair, which was messy, and blue-red eyes, which Zisteau found quiet intriguing and beautiful, in its own manner, they were bright, which was weird with the dreary wasteland. 

"What do you know about them?" Came an angry, gruff sounding, voice.

"I know nothing of them." Blue-red replies calmly, if not hesitantly, his voice deep.

"Lies!" The gruff voice shouts, slapping blue-red hard in the face, making him recoil. 

Zisteau saw that as his chance and brought his shot gun up and aimed. He took the shot, hitting the guy, presumably a raider trying to get info, in the head, his blood splattering against a wall. Blue-red jumped, well as much as he could physically jump in the restraints, with a surprised yelp. Zisteau moved over, scavenging the dead body, thankfully finding the Cryolater he had been seeking. He looked over the gun, already feeling the cold radiating off of it. 

"Who.... are you?" Came a hesitant voice. 

Zisteau turned to see Blue-red squinting at him from his chair, where he was still restrained. "I could ask you the same." Zisteau states simply.

"I-I'm Kurt...." 

Zisteau eyes Kurt curiously. That almost never worked. He almost never got anyone to tell him anything without threatening them. "Okay, Kurt, what were they questioning you about?" He questioned.

"They... they thought I knew something about the brotherhood.... but I don't." 

"Of course they wanted info on them." Zisteau scoffs, glancing around the room for anything of importance. 

He sees nothing, which means he can leave with his new weapon. He heads for the door, which leads to the stairs. He was used to this, loot and leave. He'd been living like this ever since he was kicked out of his town for being a 'monster'.

"Wait!" Came a small shout. "Please... please don't leave me here...."

Zisteau glanced over his shoulder at the man still strapped to the chair. He looked so desperate. He looked too young, much like Zisteau himself, to be dealing with this type of thing. He let out a sigh and walked back over to where Kurt was, pulling out a small knife to cut the ropes, which had been restraining him. 

"Thank you.... uh....?" Kurt says quietly, rubbing his raw wrists, and squinting up at Zisteau. 

"Zisteau." Zisteau says simply, heading back for the stairs. 

He stops, once again, after hearing a loud thud and scrambling. He turns around, seeing Kurt on the floor, looking dazed and confused. It was honestly kinda funny, Zisteau found. 

"Having trouble there?" Zisteau asked with a chuckle. 

"Uh... have you... seen any glasses? Ones with red and blue lenses?" Kurt questions.

Zisteau scanned the ground, looking for said glasses, which he saw, though they were barely glasses anymore. "Yeah.... here." He says, handing over the glasses. 

"Shit...." Kurt mutters, placing the beat up, broken glasses on the bridge of his nose. 

Kurt glances up at Zisteau again, this time only having a slight bit of trouble seeing through cracked lenses. He just stared for a second. Zisteau sighed. It was always like this. Anyone who saw him couldn't help but stare at his scars and deformed, burned, body, what was exposed, that is. His face was burned and his skin was stretched, and looked pink, from never truly healing. This was why he was kicked out of his home. He'd been hated, called a monster. 

"You done staring?" Zisteau asks harshly.

"I... I... uh..." Kurt rambles, glancing down at his hands.

"That's what I thought." Zisteau scoffed, heading, once again, for the stairs. 

He didn't make it far, however. A loud curse and a thud had him looking behind him again. Kurt. He couldn't make it very far without tripping over something and falling on his face. Zisteau sighed loudly. 

"What is your problem, really? Normal people can walk at least five feet before tripping on something." Zisteau says, thoroughly annoyed.

Kurt looked up at him from the ground, looking thoroughly embarrassed with a blush coloring his cheeks. "I.... It's my glasses. Without them in perfect condition I have no depth perception and am pretty much blind....." 

Zisteau sighs again, hauling the other up to his feet. He digs around in his satchel, finding a pair of glasses, handing them over to the clumsy man. "Here. Try these." 

"Uh... Zisteau.... those won't work.... They have to be red and blue like 3D glasses."

"Why?" Zisteau asks, sounding overly irritated.

"They have to be opposite color of my eyes.... without that I'm color blind and my vision is basically nothing." 

"God your so fucking needy." Zisteau replies, weighing his options.

He could leave Kurt here and let him stumble and fall over everything. But, he'd more than likely be killed in ten minutes that way. He could take Kurt with him, help him get to a city, Diamond City more than likely, where he could get help. But, that would slow him down immensely, and put him in danger. But, Kurt wouldn't die this way, more than likely at least. He weighed his options. Both had positives and negatives. But, in the end, Zisteau wasn't a monster and he wouldn't just leave Kurt behind to die.

"Kurt, I'll help you get to Diamond city." Zisteau says with a sigh.

Kurt looks up at him with a hopeful smile and scrambles to his feet. "Thank you so much Zisteau!" 

"Lets just go." 

And, Zisteau heads for the stairs, for hopefully the last time, and starts ascending them. He heard Kurt stumbling behind him as they made their way out of the old building and back into the harsh, unforgiving home they call the wasteland.


	2. Chapter 2

"We have about an hour till sunset." Zisteau ponders out loud, looking up at the suns position in the vast blue sky. 

"Should we set up camp somewhere?" Kurt questions quietly, walking a few paces behind his weird, deformed, companion. 

"In about half an hour, we can still make it a little ways before trouble really starts." 

Everyone who was anyone knew trouble brewed during the night. It wasn't just the threat of the usual things, ghouls, bloatflies, bloodbugs, raiders, gunners, no, it was also when deathclaws roamed more freely. But, because it was dark, raiders and gunners could sneak up easier. Zisteau could handle a simple deathclaw, he had before. But, with Kurt with him, he didn't even want to think about how that would go. That actually made him curious about something. 

"Kurt, do you have any weapons with you?" 

"Uh no.... the raider took my gun." Kurt answered awkwardly. 

Zisteau dug through his pouch, finding his 10mm pistol and tossing it to Kurt, along with ammo. Kurt stumbled, but caught it, somehow. 

"T-thanks." 

"No problem." 

They walked in silence for a while, watching as the sun slowly set, falling victim to the moon, which shone brightly upon the land as it rose. Zisteau glanced around, trying to find a good place to camp out for the night. He spotted a fenced in clearing. Perfect. He headed towards it, Kurt following close behind. 

"Can you set up a fire while I scope the area?" Zisteau asks. 

"Yeah, sure." Kurt responds, pushing his broken glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. 

Zisteau nodded and headed away from Kurt, who was starting to grab random sticks and logs that littered the area. He didn't find much as he patrolled, just the usual, really. Though, there was a group of raiders, a small group really, but they would more than likely stay away. He made his way back to where Kurt had set up a fire, and was sitting on the ground, close to the bright flames. 

Zisteau sat down a little away from Kurt, but still kinda close. He dug through his pouch, pulling out a big deathclaw steak, which he started cooking on the fire. He saw how Kurt stared at the cooking food with longing. He smiled gently. He pulled the steak out of the fire, his mouth watering from the smell alone. He pulled out two, less than pristine, plates and cut the steak in half, handing a plate to Kurt, who accepted graciously. He pulled a bottle of bourbon out of his, what seemed like bottomless, pouch. He popped open the cap and took a big swig, letting the alcohol roll across his tongue, and favored the burn as it slipped down his throat. 

"Want some?" Zisteau questions, offering the bottle to the other. 

"Sure." Kurt says, accepting the bottle. 

Kurt took a couple drinks before handing it back. He focused on his food, which was honestly amazing, instead of the other. 

"Where you from?" Zisteau asks, catching the others attention.

Kurt glances up from his plate. "Grew up along the east coast line." 

"You must mean that lighthouse settlement?" 

"Yeah, Kingsport lighthouse." 

"Why'd you leave?" 

"A big group of raiders came through." Kurt looks at the fire, longing and sadness glowing in his unusually bright eyes. "They killed everyone, my sister, my parents, my friends. But I managed to get away. I've been on my own since then, and that was only a week ago." 

Wow. Zisteau could tell Kurt had been through some serious shit, but having his family and friends murdered in front of him, that's pretty fucking terrible. 

"How are you holding up?" Zisteau questions gently, catching Kurt's gaze.

"I.... I miss them... a lot." Kurt says, his shoulders slumping forward. "I never even got to say goodbye to them, not properly at least. I had my home and my family taken from me by a group of assholes." 

Zisteau hands Kurt the bottle of bourbon, and watches as he drinks a good bit of it before even glancing at Zisteau again. "I just don't understand how some people could be such dicks." 

"I don't know Kurt, it's just how they were raised, I guess."

Kurt had drunken well over half the bottle by now, and he'd be paying for it in the morning, but Zisteau let him have the rest, letting the other finally mourn, finally let everything out. He watched as Kurt drank away his sorrows, and cried away the pain. He felt bad for Kurt, of course he himself had been through shit too, but not like Kurt had. Kurt had his whole life taken from him in the matter of seconds. He was far too young for that to have happened to him. They were both too young to have been through what they had. But that's just what this world was, a cruel place where your never too young to have your world ripped apart by some asshole who thought he was better than you. 

"I'll take both shifts tonight, Kurt, you just get some rest." Zisteau says, offering Kurt a sad, knowing smile.

"Whatever." Kurt mumbled, curling up on his side as tears continued to fall down his face. 

Zisteau patted Kurt's back and stood up, stretching a kink out of his neck as he made his way to a higher vantage point. It was a small rocky hill, barely ten feet from where Kurt lay. He scanned the dark horizon, seeing nothing. He thought back to his own past. He had grown up in Sanctuary Hills. He had it great there. A decent home, plenty of food and clean water, friends, a family. 

But, that was all taken away when a group of Ghouls, led by a Glowing One attacked. He tried to defend his family, but the Glowing One attacked him, bitting him, allowing radiation to enter his blood stream. It had terrible affects on him, turning him into the horrific thing he was now. His family feared him. His town feared him. They banished him from there, afraid he'd turn on them. But what they hadn't realized, his physical appearance changed, but he himself had not. But, some people are just too blinded by what they see to truly realize what they're facing. Too many people judge books by their covers. Zisteau sighed, pushing those thoughts aside as he got comfortable for the long, long night ahead.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he's different....

Zisteau struggled to keep his eyes open as the sun cast beautiful colors across the quickly brightening vast sky. He knew he'd have to rest soon enough, but he knew Kurt needed sleep more than himself. He knew Kurt needed to greave, to finally find the peace he needed from the whole situation. He made his way back to the fire, where Kurt was still sleeping, and sat down, digging through his pouch. 

He started cooking two deathclaw egg omelets and started brewing some coffee. He had been lucky enough to find an unopened can of coffee beans from one of the last places he'd visited, which was a miracle, considering no one had farmed coffee beans since before the fallout, which was so many years ago, long before his time. He whistled quietly as he finished making the coffee and the omelets. He sipped at his coffee, which tasted amazing compared to what he usually could manage to get. He heard a small groan from beside him. He glanced at Kurt, seeing him slowly sitting up. 

"Want some coffee?" Zisteau questioned quietly, knowing Kurt's head would be pounding.

Kurt nodded slowly, accepting the cup when it was offered. Zisteau looked at Kurt worriedly; he was pale, his cheeks red, his blue-red eyes hazy. He almost wanted to ask Kurt if he was okay, but he just couldn't do it. 

He offered Kurt an omelet. "Here, you should eat." 

Kurt nodded his thanks and took the plate and fork. Zisteau stood up, stretching a kink out of his neck. "I'm gonna patrol, I'll be back soon." 

He didn't get much of anything from Kurt, which caused him to sigh and walk away. He walked the perimeter of the fence, looking out for any raiders or hostiles. He kept his shotgun in hand, holding it loosely, not feeling worried in the slightest. After not seeing anything out of the ordinary, he headed back over to where Kurt was still sitting. He opened his mouth to speak, but quickly stopped as Kurt threw his glasses into the dying fire with a quiet swear.

"You okay there?" Zisteau questioned. Which caused Kurt's head to move towards the voice. 

"Y-yeah... I'm fine..." Kurt spoke quietly, hesitantly, squinting up at Zisteau. 

Zisteau gave him a skeptical look, but let it slid. "You ready to head out?" 

"Sure." Kurt says briefly, standing up shakily. He looked to have gotten dizzy, as he put his arms out to balance himself as he stared at the ground. 

"You sure you're okay?" Zisteau questioned again.

"No... I mean... Well enough to go... Without my glasses..." Kurt rambled out shakily as he took cautious steps towards his weird deformed companion.

"Why did you throw them in the fire?" 

"They weren't helping any and I was frustrated..." 

Zisteau let out a deep breath. "Alright then, lets go." He started walking, keeping up a good pace, till he realized Kurt was falling behind. 

"Z-Zisteau?" Kurt called out, sounding lost.

Zisteau turned around with a sigh and went to Kurt's side. "I'm right here." 

"I-I'm sorry." Kurt says, his gaze glued to the ground. 

"No need to apologize." 

"But... I'm just slowing you down...." 

"Kurt, listen, I'd rather be slowed down then see you die out here." 

"Thanks..." 

 

Many, many hours had passed. They walked slowly down a road that headed west. They would've made it to at least County Crossing, but Kurt can't go very fast without getting dizzy and loosing his balance. Its frustrating, Zisteau found, as the day slowly dwindled down. But, he wasn't a monster. So he stuck beside Kurt, guiding him along the broken, beat up road. He glanced to the sky, seeing that it was around four. They'd need to stop soon enough and have a proper meal and rest; they'd been walking all day, only taking breaks when absolutely necessary, which wasn't often, as Kurt didn't complain much at all, but he was seriously starting to feel the affects of staying up for twenty four hours straight.

He pulled out his map, looking at it, then glancing around them, looking for a sign of where they were exactly. He found they were near Lynn Pier Parking, a parking garage a friend of his had turned into a house a few years back.

"We can stop at that parking garage for the night." Zisteau comments, catching the quiet man's attention.

"A parking garage?" 

"Yeah, a friend of mine turned it into a house. He'll be glad to have us." 

"Okay." Was all Kurt said as they continued walking.

It wasn't much longer before they reached the parking garage, which looked old and run down. He walked over to the metal door and knocked loudly. It didn't take long for the door to open, revealing a man with green goggles and a red hard hat, who was wielding an alien blaster, pointing it at Zisteau. 

"Pigderp!" The man said cheerily, dropping his defense.

"Heyo Vechs." Zisteau says with a slight smile. "We." He motioned to himself and Kurt. "Need a place to crash." 

"Oh?" Vechs questions mischievously.

"Don't even." Zisteau says flatly, causing Vechs' smile to falter slightly.

"Yeah, sure dude, you two can stay here."

"Thanks." Zisteau says, following Vechs into the big building, Kurt, who hadn't spoken a word, not far behind.

For how bad the wasteland was, Vechs' house was always a nice break from the monotony of it all. Lights were strewn about, casting a soft glow in the house, comfy furniture was placed in a, somewhat, organized manner. Though, the occasional gun and piece of armor reminded him that he was still in the dreadful wasteland.

"There is a bathroom at the end of the hall, if either of you would like to freshen up. I just got the shower working too." Vechs says, gesturing to a hallway.

"You go ahead, if you'd like." Zisteau says to Kurt, who simply nods and heads slowly towards the bathroom. 

After a moment, and they'd both sat down, Vechs addressed his friend. "What's up with him?" 

"Kurt has had a bit of a rough month." Zisteau says, clasping his hands together, staring at the fire that crackled in the fireplace.

"Oh?" 

"Group of raiders attacked his settlement; he was the only one to survive." 

"Oh..." 

"That and he's basically blind without his glasses." 

"Couldn't you just find him a new pair?" 

"It's not that simple, sadly." Zisteau says, his gaze finding Vechs. "There's something odd about him; he has to have 3D like glasses because of the colored lenses." 

"That is odd." 

"Yes, it is, but I'm helping him get to Diamond City so he can get a new pair." 

"That's a long walk from here." Vechs comments. 

"Yeah, but I can't just leave him out in the wasteland to die." Zisteau says, his gaze cast down.

A sincere look settled on Vechs' face. "This is about the incident, isn't it?" 

"What else would it be about?" Zisteau says with a sigh. "I'm not a monster Vechs.... But sometimes the way people look at me..." 

"No Zisteau, you aren't a monster. You're a great person with a big heart; you didn't deserve what happened to you." 

Zisteau just lets out a deep breath, which was accompanied by a sad silence, which seemed to hang in the air. 

"Are you ever gonna go back there Pigderp?" Vechs asks hesitantly, cutting through the deadly silence.

Zisteau merely shrugs. "I don't know.... They probably won't accept me back..." 

"You'll never know unless you try." 

"Yeah...." 

"You know, for the cocky guise you always wear, you really do have a soft side." Vechs says, attempting to lighten up the mood. 

A small smile tugs at Zisteau's lips. "Just don't tell anyone, wouldn't want 'em to think I'm weak." 

"Umm... Zisteau... I'm done if you needed to shower..." Kurt says awkwardly.

Zisteau glanced to where his companion was standing, and he couldn't help but smile, as Kurt's hair stuck up in all directions. "Thanks." He said quickly. "I'll be back shortly." He continued as he made his way into the bathroom. 

He stripped down after turning on the shower. He sighed as he stepped in, loving the way the hot water felt against his pinkish skin. He just stood there for the longest time, just letting his tense muscles relax. He felt sleepy as he finally stepped out of the shower. He couldn't help but yawn as he pulled on his clothes and walked back into the living room area. Kurt was passed out on the couch, snoring softly, while Vechs was reading a book of some description. Zisteau sat on a chair, feeling relaxed and tired. 

"What is it about him?" Vechs asks, his gaze leaving the book. 

"What about him?" Zisteau questions, raising an eyebrow. 

"I know you say its because you're not a monster, but there's something else, isn't there?" 

"I'm just trying not to let anyone else die or get abandoned." 

Vechs pushes his goggles on top of his head, where his red hat usually rested. "Don't pull that shit, I know there's something else. You don't just help people like this, you're usually the one to run into danger guns blazing; not to take a slow stroll across the wasteland." 

Zisteau sighed, playing with the hem of his shirt. "I dunno, maybe there is." 

"Do you like him?" 

Zisteau shrugged. "I dunno Vechs.... He's just... Different."

"I can tell." Vechs says with a gentle smile. "He brings out your softer side."

Zisteau glanced over at Kurt, seeing how he looked so innocent while sleeping, how none of the troubles of the wasteland were displayed upon his face. So young, so innocent, and all Zisteau wanted to do was protect him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes help doesn't actually help.

"Thanks for letting us stay here Vechs." Zisteau says, grabbing his satchel from beside the couch where he'd dropped it the night before.

"You know you're always welcome here!" Vechs says with a mischievous smile, just like always.

Kurt stood awkwardly beside Zisteau, trying to keep himself together, which was hard with the constantly swirling emotions in his head. 

"Do you need any supplies to take with you?" 

Zisteau nodded. "Some clean water and food would be nice." 

Vechs nods, heading from the room. Zisteau turns to Kurt, really noticing how tired he looked. 

"How ya holding up?" He asked gently.

Kurt shrugged, his ever so intriguing eyes dull, yet bright. "I dunno... Its just kinda rough right now..." 

"You'll get through this." 

"Will I really though?" Kurt asks sadly.

He nods quickly. "Of course you will!" 

Kurt shakes his head sadly. "No I won't. I never will." 

He let out a sigh. "Kurt, listen, I know this is hard right now. I know them being gone is difficult, but you will get through this, and I'll be here to help you through it." 

Kurt just shook his head. "Whatever.... Its not like you'd listen to me, no one ever has or will." 

He was taken aback by Kurt's sudden coldness. But he didn't get to counter as Vechs started talking. "Come here Z." 

"Coming." He says unsurely, making his way towards Vechs' voice. 

"Z, I hate to discourage you, for anything, but these 'feelings' you have for Kurt, you may want to try to ignore them." 

He gave Vechs a look. "Why?" He questioned, knowing there was a reason for every word that Vechs spoke.

"I just have a feeling it won't end well, for either of you. And I don't wanna see you with a broken heart again." 

"You do not need to bring that up." He says, giving Vechs a stern look. 

"Remember when you were fifteen?" 

He lets out an activated huff of air, giving Vechs a look that, if looks could kill, Vechs would surely be a pile of ash. 

"Remember that boy, the one that always wore that mask? Remember how quickly you fell for him?" 

"What's the point if this?" He asks, feeling very pissed off.

"You remember how long you two were together? Do you remember the day that the bomb went off..." 

"Would you just fuck off!" He yelled, his hands clenched in tight fists, his knuckles white, tears stinging his eyes.

Vechs crossed his arms, his icy blue eyes not filled with mischief for once. "You know I'm only trying to help." 

"How is reminding me that I lost him helping me any?!?" 

Vechs let out a sigh. "I'm just trying to make you realize what could happen if you pursue these feelings you have for Kurt." 

He scoffed. "If anything, Vechs, you've made me realize that I'm a horrible person, because I'm the reason Etho died." Zisteau says coldly as he turns and walks from the room, a single tear rolling down his scared pink cheek. He walked towards the door, motioning Kurt to follow, which he did, without question.

A tense silence hung in the air as they walked down the road quickly, or as quickly as they could with Kurt's vision. Both looked tired, and felt it too. Zisteau's mind was on the past, a thing he tried to forget, for that was for the best. He remembered that day so well. He remembered the ear-piercing scream. He remembered the evil smirks, the laughs, the gun fire; everything.  
 _  
"Awww come on E!" Zisteau whined playfully. "You wouldn't make me go all the way over there to get it, would you?"_

_"You're so lazy Z." Etho rolled his eyes, standing up. "There's no sense in trying to convince you to get off your butt to walk across the street."_

_"Nope." Zisteau giggled, sending the silver haired boy a smile._

_"You're just lucky I like you so much."_

_"I am lucky." Zisteau replied, motioning for Etho to come closer, which he did._

_Zisteau kissed him deeply, letting his fingers tangle in Etho's silky silver hair. He pulled away, a soft look in his blue-green eyes, that Etho always swore were the most beautiful thing in this dreary world._

_"Love ya E." Zisteau says as Etho starts to walk across the street towards the market._

_"Love ya too Z." Etho responded with a bright smile as he glanced back at his blond haired boyfriend._

_Zisteau watched as his boyfriend disappeared into the little market building. He couldn't help but smile as he waited for the silver haired boy to return. His eyes quickly scanned around him as he heard gun shots. His head shot back to the little market as he heard a loud explosion and felt the ground shake beneath himself. He was quickly on his feet, running toward the market, which was now just rubble._

_"ETHO!" He yelled desperately. "ETHO!" He called again, tears stinging his eyes._

_He pushed through the crowd of people that had formed, trying desperately to get into the destroyed building. He stood at the entrance, or what had once been the entrance, and what he saw broke his heart._

_"Etho..." His voice cracked as he tried to speak, his gaze landing on an a body, one with burnt silver hair, that laid there unmoving, un-breathing. He screamed, not knowing what else to do as the tears fell down his face.  
_  
He wiped at his eyes, trying rid the tears that had started falling down his cheeks slowly. He was so angry, so annoyed, so sad. He felt like he wanted to punch something, yet he wanted to curl up into a ball and cry until he couldn't cry anymore. He hated Vechs so much sometimes. He could be so ignorant, so idiotic. He didn't know what was best for Zisteau. No one did except himself. And even he was unsure sometimes. He kicked a loose piece of road, cursing silently as it hurt his toe. He finally looked around them, trying to hold back tears, as he tried to figure out where they were. He pulled out his map, locating a small settlement called Finch Farm, which happened to be about a mile away from them.

He continued to stay quiet as they continued their walk, which seemed to drag on forever. As the minutes passed, Zisteau became less and less angry. He was just sad now. He missed Etho. He missed having a boyfriend. He missed feeling loved and wanted. He missed fitting in. He missed home and his family. He let out a sigh, rubbing a bottle cap in his pocket as they he continued walking. After a while, they reached the small farming settlement. Zisteau located an inn, and walked into the lobby, Kurt following close behind. 

"Sir." The woman behind the desk spits out. "We don't serve your kind here." 

He growled angrily. "I am human, thank you very much." 

"Ha! Like I'd believe that." She says cruelly.

"Now miss Mia, that is not how we treat guests, especially not personal friends of mine." Says a masculine voice. 

"But he's a monster." She protests, pure disgust on her face.

"If you're going to be a jerk, get your ass out." The man says strictly. 

She huffs angrily and leaves. 

"Sorry about her." Says the man, greeting the two.

Zisteau just sighs, shaking his head. "Some people just don't understand Beef." 

"I know." The man, Beef, says sadly. "Anyway, what can I do for ya?" He asks, forcing a smile.

"We need a place to stay tonight." 

"The room on the top floor is all yours. Two beds." Beef says, quickly shaking his head as Zisteau dug in his pocket to get some bottle caps. "Its on the house."

"I can pay, really." Zisteau argued.

Beef just shook his head, smiling. "I'm not letting you pay a single cap." 

Zisteau puts his hands up in defeat. "You win." He cracks a smile. "Thanks." 

"Hey, no problem at all." Beef gives him a look over. "You need to talk?" He asks knowingly.

Zisteau nods. "You can head upstairs, if you'd like, Kurt." 

"Um yeah, sure." Kurt says, speaking for the first time in hours.

"I'll be up in a while."

Kurt just nods, heading slowly towards the stairs, squinting the whole time. 

"So what's wrong?" Beef asks after they get situated in chairs, which were overly comfy.

"Life." Zisteau answered with a humorless laugh.

"Not what I meant." Beef counters simply.

"I know." Zisteau sighs. "Hearing people call me a monster.... It hurts..." 

"I know it does." 

"And...." Zisteau says unsurely. "Vechs mentioned Etho earlier...." 

"Ohhhhh." Beef says, his blue eyes full understanding.

"A-and I was so mad at Vechs for bringing him up... But now I'm just sad." 

"Hey, that's understandable. You did love him." 

"I did... A lot." 

Beef smiles sadly at Zisteau. "You know he's gone. He has been for so long. Don't you think it's time to move on? Find someone new?"

"But what the same thing that happened to Etho happens to him too...." 

"But what if it doesn't?" Beef says with a light smile. "Whoever this 'he' is, I'd take the chance. I mean, what is left in life if you don't take chances?" 

Zisteau just nods. "Thank you, Beef." He stands up, stretching slightly.

Beef stands up too. "No problem Z. Goodnight, sleep well." 

"Night." He waves as he starts up the steps, making his way to the top floor. 

When he entered the room, he saw Kurt fast asleep on one of the beds. He looked young, innocent, at peace. Zisteau shook his head sadly, moving to the other bed and laying down. His head swirled with thoughts as he slowly started drifting off, finally letting himself drift into a dreamless sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes just talking to an old friend is exactly what you need to calm your never ending battle to believe in yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, oops

Zisteau awoke feeling tired and worn out. He threw an arm over his eyes, trying to block the sun that shone brightly through the window. He groaned, feeling stressed. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to face the day. And, he definitely didn't want to leave the little settlement yet. He moved his arm and looked over to Kurt's bed, quickly noticing the absence of the shy man. He pulled himself out of bed and went down the stairs, sitting at the bar.

"Morning Z." Beef greeted a kind smile.

"Morning." He grumbled, his voice gruff and gravely. 

"Not sleep well?" 

He shook his head. "Not at all." 

Beef sat a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. "This should help a little." 

"Thanks." He says, taking a long drink of the hot liquid, finding it delicious and soothing. After a moment, he remembers something. "Where's Kurt?" 

"He's outside enjoying the sun." Beef answers with a chuckle. "Like you should be. You're so tense. I think you need to take a break and relax." 

"How am I supposed to relax? I have so much to do." He let out a long breath.

"So much to do?" 

"I've gotta get Kurt to Diamond City, I've gotta go to Good Neighbor for some supplies. And I've gotta head back to my house and upgrade my weapons." 

"Zisteau, you've got all the time in the world, so why not take a break?" 

"I just feel like I've gotta keep going or I'll fall behind." 

Beef sighs, leaning on the counter. "I don't see how one day could make you fall so far behind." He said with a serious look on his face. "You know you need the break." 

He sighed. "I do need a break." He said, looking at the dark liquid in his cup. "You know, maybe you're right. One day couldn't hurt, right?" 

Beef gave him a smile. "You can stay here tonight." He offers. "And no, you're aren't giving me a single cap."

He simply shook his head. "You're too kind." 

"Hey, with everyone being so cruel in the wasteland, it's always nice to have a friendly person." 

He cracks a smile. "Ah, that's very true. I wish there were more of you in this world." 

"Me too." Beef laughed. "But then again, one of me is enough." 

He laughed with Beef. "I think one of you is too much." 

Beef simply rolled his eyes and took a sip of his own coffee. "So, last night, you mentioned a guy. Who is it?" 

"You aren't gonna let it go, are you?" 

"Nope." Beef says, popping the p. 

"Ugh. Fine." He groaned. "It's Kurt." 

Beef's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Him?"

"Yeah." He says, tracing a crack in the wood countertop, his eyes following his finger. 

"This is new." Beef laughed. "Zisteau. The Zisteau is all gushy over a guy."

"Oh shush." He said, though he didn't look up. 

"You gonna tell him?" 

He shrugs. "I dunno. He just doesn't seem like he'd be up for a relationship." He lets out a deep breath. "He's just so quiet and hesitant. I know he's hurting, which makes me even more hesitant." 

"What happened to him?" 

"News of Kingsport Lighthouse hasn't reached here yet?" 

Beef gives him a look. "No."

"It was attacked by a group of raiders and Kurt watched his family and friends die. He said he was the only one who managed to get out alive." 

"Oh..." 

"Yeah. Now do you see why I'm so nervous about this whole thing?" 

"Yeah, I do." Beef frowned slightly. "But that's not it, is it?" 

He shakes his head sadly. "No, no it's not."

"It's not about..... Is it?" 

"No, it's not about Etho. I'm over him Beef. Sure, I miss him, but I do realize he's gone and never coming back." 

"Then what is it?" 

"Well. Kurt's vision is basically nothing without special glasses, and I'm afraid that once he sees the real me, he'll be scared and call me a monster too." 

Beef sighs, leaning on the counter. "You aren't a monster Zisteau." 

"I know.... But sometimes it's just difficult looking like one." 

"But looks aren't everything. It's about what's inside that really matters." 

He put his head in his hands. "Do you know how long it took to convince myself I wasn't a monster?" He let out a shaky breath. "After the whole thing happened everyone was so scared of me and called me so many mean things. It hurt. A lot. I tried to brush off the comments and hurtful words, but the looks I got, I couldn't just ignore. I just couldn't take anymore; then they finally kicked me out and I was alone. All alone." 

Beef frowned, looking at his distressed friend worriedly. "But Zisteau, what about all of the people who accepted you. You've got Vechs and I, at the very least. And you know Guude will always accept you." 

"That doesn't change the fact that my family disowned me and I was forced to leave home." 

"I know it changes none of that Z, but why can't you just let go of the past and look to the future." 

"You don't think I've tried that already? I've tried so hard to, but I just can't seem to shake off the feeling that maybe my parents were right. Maybe I am a monster." 

"The only monster is them Zisteau. You aren't a monster at all. You are one of the nicest guys I know. And, if others can't see that then fuck them, you don't need that negativity in your life."

He finally looked up at Beef. "Maybe your right." 

Beef offered a small smile. "Now, you can either sit in here and mope, or you can go spend time with the guy you like." 

A light blush colored his cheeks as he stood up. "Do not mention any of this to anyone." 

"And the old Zisteau's back!" Beef teased with a smirk. 

"He never left." 

"Sadly." Beef teased. "Now run along, go be with Kurt." 

He gave Beef a smile before heading out into the warm afternoon air.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking chances?

Zisteau walked out into the wasteland; instantly feeling the warmth the sun brought. It was comforting actually, he found as he basked in the sun for a moment. He surveyed the area, trying to find Kurt. His eyes landed on a figure laying in the grass on a small hill. He smiled slightly as he made his way up the hill. 

"Hey." Kurt greeted as Zisteau sat down beside the shy man. 

"Hey." He responded quietly. 

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked hesitantly. "You were acting weird yesterday." 

He let out a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm okay I guess." He paused for a moment. "Vechs just brought up my ex and I was really upset about it.... That and the way that woman treated me." 

"The one who called you a monster?" 

"Yeah... That type of thing really gets to me." 

Kurt gave him a sad smile. "But you aren't a monster." 

"I know..." He says with a sigh. "Just hard to believe sometimes." 

It fell silent between the two as they stared at the clouds that lazily rolled across the sky. 

"How are you doing?" He asked Kurt, giving him a brief glance. 

Kurt shrugged. "A little better I guess." He paused, his fingers playing with the, not so soft, grass beneath them. "I know they're gone.... It's just hard to fathom." 

"I know the feeling." 

"Your ex...?"

"Yeah, him, but also my family." 

"Your family?"

"I got banished from my settlement after the incident." 

Kurt gave him a questioning look. 

"A group of ghouls attacked my settlement... I tried to defend everyone but a glowing one bit me, which allowed radiation into my blood... And well... Mutated me..."

Kurt frowned slightly. "They thought you were a monster?" 

He nodded sadly. "Yeah... They were too frightened by how I looked to realize I hadn't changed at all." 

"People are blind to what things are..." 

"You're one to talk." He teased lightly.

"Oh hush." Kurt responded, a smile tugging at his lips; the first smile he'd seen from the shy man. "At least I can see the beauty in people." He said quietly, almost inaudible.

Zisteau wasn't sure how to respond. So many things were swirling through his head; one being just how sweet Kurt was. He knew the shy man was still hurting; yet he seemed to definitely be better. He wanted to protect Kurt from the world; it was almost like an urge, constantly pulling at his heart. 

"What was it like...?" Kurt asks quietly. "Being in love?" 

Zisteau blinked a few times, slightly confused by the- seemingly out of the blue- question. "Magical." He answered in a soft whisper. "Everyday was happy, no matter what was happening." He let out a deep breath. "Everything was perfect." 

Kurt's brilliant blue-red eyes flickered to Zisteau, an emotion he couldn't quite place residing in them. "I want that..." 

"I want that again too...." 

"Maybe... Maybe we could..." Kurt spoke nervously, his voice quiet. "Find that in each other..." He put a hand on Zisteau's chest, his brilliant blue-red eyes full of sadness and hope. 

Zisteau put his hand on top of Kurt's, which was soft. "Maybe we could." Was his quiet reply, his own blue-green eyes gleaming with hope. 

"You-you're serious...?" Kurt asks in disbelief. 

Zisteau nods. "I am Kurt.... I want to find that happiness again, and I want to find it with you." 

He watched as Kurt blinked a couple of times. He saw the fight in those beautiful eyes. He saw the raw emotion they held. He saw every single thing that crossed through them. 

"Are you okay?" He breathed out, worry evident in his blue-green eyes. 

Kurt nods lightly. "Yeah... I'm okay... I just... I don't want to loose you like everyone else..." His gaze falls to the ground. 

"Kurt, look at me." Zisteau says gently; waiting for those beautiful eyes to meet his own. "I will do whatever it takes to be by your side for as long as I live." 

Kurt let's out a breath. "I believe you."

Zisteau smiles lightly, his eyes meeting Kurt's. He couldn't even truly describe how he felt in that moment. Maybe relief, maybe happiness, he wasn't quite sure. But, as a smile grew on Kurt's lips, he couldn't help but smile too. Maybe he would find that happiness with Kurt. Maybe just maybe Beef was right. Maybe Kurt as exactly what he needed. 

"What if this all doesn't work?" Kurt asked quietly; just like before, his voice barely a whisper. 

Zisteau held Kurt's gaze. "What if it does?" He countered with a smile. 

Kurt smiled too. "Do you always answer a question with another question?" 

"I dunno, do I?" 

Kurt's smile widened. "I'll take that as a yes." 

They laid quietly beside each other for a long while, just enjoying the silence and peace of the wasteland; which honestly didn't happen often. 

"Kurt?" Zisteau questioned quietly after a while; his voice breaking through the peaceful silence. 

"Yeah?" Was Kurt's quiet reply as his blue-red eyes met Zisteau's blue-green. 

"Have you ever wondered what is was like to live somewhere else?"

"Somewhere else?"

"Yeah... Like somewhere that wasn't filled with radiation." 

"I've never thought about it..."

"I have." Zisteau says quietly. "I've seen pictures from prewar, and it looked so peaceful. Not this type of peaceful." He gestured around them. "But actual peace. Like birds tweeting and rain that didn't burn your skin." He paused briefly, his mind creating an image, which he admired. "I could just imagine it. You, me, somewhere peaceful and nice." 

"But you know that can't happen."

"I know... But it's nice to imagine." 

"Yeah..." 

"What do you imagine?" 

"Well..." Kurt says slightly awkwardly. "I imagine myself... But better. I imagine that I'm stronger, braver, athletic, not blind, more handsome." 

"Wait... How do you see yourself?" Zisteau asked with a sad smile. 

"I guess I see myself as inferior... Like I'm useless because I'm weak and can't see anything that's not right in front of me..." 

"You're none of that, you know." Zisteau brushes a few strands of hair out of Kurt's face. "You're beautiful, strong, everything you've said is wrong. And, mostly Kurt, you're kind. You actually have a heart, unlike most of everybody you come across now a days." 

"But I'm not strong or confident like you." 

"But you are Kurt. You were strong enough to keep going after everything that happened. You were confident enough not ask for help. You know, most people would rather take a bullet to the head than ask for any help at all." 

Kurt sighs quietly, not really knowing what to say. Zisteau made him feel something again; made him feel less numb. He wanted to believe every word his odd companion said, but he still had so much doubt within him. "Why do you care so much?" 

"I care because I care about you...." Zisteau twined their fingers together. "I care about you a lot." 

Kurt bit his lip. "I care about you too, Zisteau... A lot."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tales of adventure, danger, friendship, and love shared around the cracking fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while... I'm so terribly sorry! But I hope this longer than usual chapter makes up for it!!

Zisteau and Kurt had talked for hours, about everything and nothing at all, as the clouds rolled lazily across the sky. They'd grown closer as they'd talked, physically and emotionally. They'd talked about their pasts and their families. Zisteau had found out that Kurt had never been in a relationship before; but that he'd a had a crush on a guy from his settlement. He'd also found out that Kurt had just turned twenty one, which made them the same age. 

He had reluctantly talked about Etho and their relationship, and the incident. It was still hard to talk about, but not so much so that he'd break down and cry and not be able to stop the dark thoughts that would swirl through his head. He even talked about his adventures some and how he'd met Vechs; though he'd told Kurt that was a story for another day.

Kurt laid against Zisteau's side, his head on the others chest. It was an odd feeling, seeing as Zisteau was indeed mutated, but it was nice he found. Zisteau ran his fingers through Kurt's hair as his thoughts rolled lazily from idea to idea, never lingering on a single thought for very long. 

"Zisteau?" Kurt asked quietly, his voice almost lost in the wind that blew across the land. 

"Yeah?" Zisteau replied quietly, his movements never faltering. 

"What'll happen when we reach Diamond City?" 

"We'll get you your glasses and then we'll find somewhere to go." 

"We? You're going to stick with me?" 

Zisteau chuckled softly. "Of course silly. Couldn't just leave you now, could I?" 

A small smile tugged at Kurt's lips. "I don't suppose you could." 

Silence fell between the two as they listened to the wind blowing and the chatter from the settlers that just happened to drift up to them. Zisteau found everything about this moment peaceful. The way Kurt seemed relaxed and calm around him, and even allowed himself to be close to him without feeling disgusted. A thought played at his mind. _What if he's disgusted by me when he can actually see?_ He didn't know what he'd do if that happened. 

A strong gust of wind blew across the land, making dead grass, papers, and trash fly up and litter the land. A loud clap of thunder boomed across the desolate wasteland, which was quickly followed by a bright flash of lightning. Zisteau glanced wearily towards the east, where sickly green clouds filled the sky, dark streaks of precipitations fell quickly from the menacing clouds, which were steadily approaching. 

"We better head inside Kurt, that's a radiation storm." Zisteau told a slightly startled Kurt, who nodded quickly and stood up. 

Zisteau stood up as well and the two made their way back into the inn, where Beef was wiping the counter of the bar off with a wet rag; leaving wet streaks in random places. 

"Hey guys." Beef greeted, glancing out the door before it fully closed. "Oh man." He mumbled. "Another radiation storm, that's like the fifth this week." 

"Five? Really?" Zisteau asked, thoroughly intrigued.

"Yeah, I swear this area gets more than any other." Beef rolled his eyes. 

Zisteau merely chuckled as Beef grumbled about not getting any customers because of the storms. 

"Would you guys like something to eat?" Beef asked after a few moments. "You were out there for hours, it's almost dinner." He continued, glancing at his watch. 

Zisteau looked to Kurt, who nodded slightly. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"Why don't you two head into the lounge and I'll bring dinner to ya and we can chat."

The two nodded and headed to the lounge, were a fire was lit in the fireplace; which had a couple of chairs, a couch, and a table positioned around it. Zisteau sat on the- slightly comfortable- couch and patted the spot beside him. Kurt's stunning blue-red eyes flickered to Zisteau as he moved to sit beside him. He sat Indian style beside Zisteau, his knee resting against Zisteau's leg. 

Zisteau wrapped an arm around Kurt's shoulder with a hesitant smile, which was returned quickly. "Thanks for today Kurt, I haven't felt this calm in a while." 

"I haven't either." Kurt spoke quietly, resting his head on Zisteau's shoulder. "You make me feel.... Less numb.... I guess... You actually make me happy..." 

"You make me feel happy too. Happier than I've been since the incident." Zisteau brought a hand up to brush Kurt's pale cheek. 

"I-Is it normal for your heart to flutter?" Kurt asked with wide blue-red eyes full of compassion. 

A smile tugged at Zisteau's lips. "Yeah, when you find someone you care deeply about, it is." 

"Dinners ready." Beef called out as he came into the lounge with a tray of plates and cups. 

Zisteau gave Kurt a smile before moving his arm to accept the plate that was handed to him. A few moments of silence passed as they all started eating, the only noise the fire crackling and forks clanging against plates. 

"So Kurt." Beef started, his blue eyes landing on the lanky man. "Has Z told you the Vechs story yet?" 

Kurt shook his head. "No, he hasn't." His blue-red eyes looked to Zisteau expectantly as he spoke. 

"Well, it was about a week after the incident." Zisteau started as he sat up slightly. 

_  
He gripped his gun tightly as he walked down the uneven and cracked road. He'd just left diamond city an hour ago, at most, and he wanted to make it to Goodneighbor before nightfall, which was gonna be rough, but he knew he didn't want to go through another night stuck in a tree with a Deathclaw lurking beneath._

_He pulled out his flask of water and took a long drink as he walked. That was the last of his water, he realized as the flask only contained droplets of water. He really needed to get to Goodneighbor now. He was almost out of food too, which was bad. Of course he could go hunting, but he wasn't sure how well that would go._

_He tossed the flask back into his satchel and scratched at his arm, where pink scared skin was broken and split from the bite. The searing pain had ceased a few days ago, but the area around the bite constantly itched, and no matter how hard he tried not to itch it, he found himself doing it absentmindedly. It was only getting worse too, it was swollen and irritated and more than likely badly infected. He really should see a doctor, but he didn't have the caps to do it in Diamond City, and he probably wouldn't when he got to Goodneighbor either._

_He was snapped from his thoughts when a gut wrenching roar shook the ground beneath him. His grip tightened on his gun, his knuckles going white, as he spun around, wide eyes scanning for the foul beast. A strong blow against his side had him tumbling to the ground, his face landing against a broken patch of cement._

_He stood up quick, his knees wobbly as he pointed his gun towards the thing that had thrown him to the ground. A boy, looking about the same age as himself, jumped to his feet, his eyes wide as they met his own. The boy was well built, tall, not too skinny, long jet black hair, which was partially covered by a red hard hat, and icy blue eyes, which hid behind green googles._

_"Watch where you're going!" He said harshly._

_"Shut the fuck up." Was the response he got as he was grabbed by the hand and pulled along as the boy started running._

_He pulled his hand from the boy's grip. "What do you think you're doing?!?"_

_"Saving your fucking life."_

_Another roar shook the ground as the beast pounced toward them, it's fangs menacing as it stood tall, and its scales sharp and menacing._

_"Fuck." The boy swore under his breath as he pulled up his shot gun. "Now we have to do this the hard way."_

_He also brought up his gun, though his didn't even begin to compare to the one the boy had. The boy fired a shot at the Deathclaw, which invoked an angry snarl and roar from the beast as its beady black eyes bore holes through the two. He shot off a couple rounds with his crappy pipe rifle. The beast continued to advance on them, becoming far too close for comfort._

_"Aim for under its right arm pit." The boy informed._

_He nodded and brought up his rifle, putting his eyes against the scope and aiming. If there was one thing he was good at, it was using a rifle. He took a deep breath and squeezed the trigger. A gunshot rang out as the bullet flew towards its target. They watched as it hit exactly where he'd aimed and as the Deathclaw fell to the ground with an unholy screech of a roar._

_The boy clapped him on the back. "Nice shot!"_

_He quickly lowered his weapon and faced the boy with wide eyes. "T-thanks."_

_"The names Vechs." The boy- Vechs- said, holding out his hand._

_"Zisteau." He replied, shaking Vechs' hand._

_"What happened to your arm?"_

_"Oh... I was bitten by a Glowing One."_

_"Well shit." Vechs says with a dreadful look on his face. "You know what'll happen if ya don't get that treated, right?"_

_"Beyond what's already happened?"_

_Vechs pushed his googled so they rested on the red hard hat. "Um, yeah. You'll die within a week of now if the poison hasn't already started eating away at your organs."_

_"Oh fuck. I had no idea..."_

_"Yeah dude." Vechs says with an indescribable look in his icy blue eyes. "Come on, we gotta get you to Goodneighbor."_

_"I can't afford the bill though."_

_"Don't worry about it, I've got a friend there that'll do it for free. Now come along before its late."_

_This time, he allowed himself to be pulled down the road without hesitation.  
_

"Wow... So he saved your life." Kurt asked curiously. 

"Yeah, multiple times. That Deathclaw surely would've killed me." He chuckled. 

"I love that story." Beef says as he stretches. "I wish I could've had grand adventures like that." 

He rolled his eyes. "Like you haven't had any adventures of your own. What about that one time with Pause?" 

Beef merely chuckled. "That crazy man almost got us killed so many times." 

Both Kurt and Zisteau looked at Beef expectantly, who was still chuckling from the memories. 

_  
"Aww come on Beefers! Let's go get that weapon!" Pause exclaimed cheerily._

_"But Pause, last time we did this I almost died."_

_"I wouldn't say almost."_

_"Really? So you call getting shot barely an inch from my heart not almost dying?"_

_"Okay, so that was a close one, but come on! This weapon is so cool! It's called a Junk Jet, you can shoot basically whatever from it!"_

_He rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, where's it at?"_

_"The Training Camp that's like five miles south west of here."_

_"Alright, we can go, but you're buying the good for the trip."_

_"Yay!" Pause cheered happily. "Love ya!" He placed a kiss on Beef's cheek before heading out of the house._

_Beef just rolled his eyes and went into their workshop to fetch their matching sets of armor. He dawned his armor and carried Pause's to the living room and dumped it on the couch. It had been a while since their last adventure together, mainly because of his recovery time, but he'd been starting to miss it. Not that he can say he didn't like staying home and having Pause do anything he wanted him to, but that was beside the point._

_"Beefykinz!" Pause sang cheerily. "I got the food and water for the trip! You ready?"_

_"Yeah, I got your armor ready too."_

_Pause flashed him a smile and quickly put on his own armor. He tossed Beef his bag once his armor was on and the two headed towards the door. Many, many hours passed with the two walking in silence, mostly, occasionally small talk was shared. They eventually came up to the building and the two hide behind an old rusted car to survey the scene._

_"There's ghouls." Beef whispered quietly, trying not to catch the attention of the foul creatures._

_"Yeah, and there's a couple of Super Mutants, you can here em' jabbering inside." Pause countered, his dark brown eyes flickering across the front of the building._

_"Game plan?"_

_"Hmm lets chuck some grenades into the group of Ghouls then shoot the rest down with a rifle."_

_"Someone's playing it safe." Beef teased as he pulled out a grenade._

_"Hey, we can't have you almost dying again."_

_Beef rolled his eyes and pulled the pin on the grenade and chucked it. Pause did the same and moments later two loud explosions sounded, shaking the ground and screeches of pain rang through the air. The two high fived with a chuckle before quickly pulling their rifles out and taking out the last of the Ghouls._

_"What the fuck was that?" They heard from a Super Mutant who'd peaked out from the main entrance of the building._

_"Dibs." Beef called as he brought out his shot gun and stood up from behind the car, leaving himself open to the Super Mutant._

_"There's a human! Kill him!" The Super Mutant yelled, bringing attention to his companions which joined the first and they all brought out their clubs and guns and started towards Beef._

_"Shit." Beef swore under his breath as he brought his shot gun up and shot off a bullet, watching as it found its mark; the first Super Mutant's heart. It fell to the ground with a groan._

_"I got your six." Pause shouted as he pressed his back to Beef's as they started getting surrounded._

_Shot after shot was fired, which slowly thinned out the hoard of Super Mutants. Finally the last one fell to the ground with a groan of pain as it clutched at its stomach._

_"Awesome, now let's go get the gun." Pause said as he finally moved away from Beef._

_"Agreed, let's go."_

_The two headed into the building and took care of the few Radroaches that happened to be scurrying about. They finally came to a room where a big gun rested in a locked gun case._

_"Ohh that's it!" Pause cheered happily as he pulled out a screwdriver and a bobby pin._

_Beef stood back and watched as Pause fiddled with the lock with his tongue sticking out of his mouth and an adorable look of concentration on his face._

_"One move and you're dead." A deep, gravely voice scowled in his ear as a thin piece of medal was pressed against his throat._

_Beef froze, unsure of what to do. "Pause." He squeaked out, almost instantly regretting it as the blade was pushed further against his neck._

_"Beef?" Pause said, his voice full of worry as he spun around, seeing a Raider with a sharp black blade pressed against Beef's throat. "Let him go!"_

_The Raider smirked. "One reason why I shouldn't just slit his throat right now?"_

_"Because you'll never see the light of day again." Pause sneered, his hand gripping his pistol tightly._

_"Just like him." The Raider smirked._

_Beef just stared at Pause with pleasing eyes. He wasn't ready to die. He was too young; he still had so much ahead of him. A gun shot rang through the room, and Beef felt the knife drop from his neck and he stumbled away from the man that had been threatening his life, and straight to Pause, who wrapped him in his arms._

_"I'd never let anything happen to you Beefers." Pause whispered as he hugged Beef close, running his fingers through his hair._

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."  
_

"Speaking of Pause, where's he now?"Zisteau asked a few moments after Beef had concluded his story. 

"He was taking a trip back to his home settlement." Beef said, twining his fingers behind his head. "He was supposed to be back tomorrow morning, but with the rain I doubt he'll be back till Friday at the earliest." 

"Unless he's dumb enough to walk in the rain?" 

Beef just sighed. "I wouldn't put it past him, honestly." He chuckled. "He's gonna get himself killed one if these days with his dumb ideas." 

Zisteau laughs lightly, knowing just how true that was. "This was fun Beef, we'll have to do this again sometime, but it's late and I'm tired, so I'm gonna head to bed." 

"I'll join you." Kurt says quietly. 

"Goodnight you two, sleep well." Beef said as he sat back in his seat, his gaze falling to the fire which continued to crackle merrily. 

Zisteau and Kurt walked up to their room on the top floor and started getting ready to hopefully fall asleep. Zisteau pealed off his shirt and flopped down on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling as thunder continued to shake the earth and lightning continued flashing brightly. He heard Kurt lay down on his own bed and a ruffle of blankets. It fell quiet, apart from the thunder and the rain hitting the roof roughly. 

A long while later, a soft voice drifted to him as he tried endlessly to let himself fall alseep. "Zisteau?" 

"Kurt?" He responded quietly, peering into the darkness, only to see a slim gunfire standing beside his bed. 

"I-I can't sleep..." Kurt said quietly, wringing his fingers together. "The storm scares me..." 

Zisteau lifted his blankets up, allowing the slim man to slip in between the covers. Zisteau slipped an arm around the thin man. "Better?" He asked gently. 

Kurt nodded. "Yeah... It is." He snuggled closer to his deformed companion. 

Zisteau's arms snaked around the thin mans waist as he rested his face in Kurt's hair, taking in the husky smell, which was intoxicating to him. It wasn't long before he heard soft snores, which warmed his heart and made him melt. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he definitely had a soft side.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A silly man indeed

The sight Zisteau awoke to was one he'd never, ever forget. Kurt's face was resting against his scared, pink, deformed chest. His lips set in a small, innocent smile. His hair was tousled, sticking up in every direction. He looked so innocent, so beautiful, so amazing. The only word that could even begin to describe this moment was perfect. Kurt was the epitome of perfection. 

He carefully brought his hand up to run it through Kurt's hair. He placed a featherlight kiss on his head, carefully snaking his arms around the thin man's body. He couldn't help but stare at him and his gorgeous self. He felt slightly creepy for it, but he couldn't help how his gaze stayed upon that beautiful face. 

Kurt's eyes slowly opened, revealing those unearthly beautiful blue-red gems. Those eyes shinned with love and care as they met Zisteau's blue-green eyes. He brushed some hair out of Kurt's face, that smile that had been gracing his lips grew softer. 

"Good morning beautiful." He murmured, his voice soft and gentle. 

"....Good morning." Kurt replied softly, his cheeks a rosy red. 

"Sleep well?" He asked, running his fingers through Kurt's soft hair. 

"Yeah, better than I've slept in a long time." 

"Me too." 

It was silent for a few moments, the only sound the pitter patter of droplets of rain hitting the metal roof and the occasional rumble of thunder in the distance. 

"The storm hasn't passed yet." He commented quietly, stroking Kurt's cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Guess that means I'm stuck here with you for another day." He teased lightheartedly. 

That small smile on Kurt's lips grew wider. "That can't be too bad, can it?" 

"I dunno." He chuckled. "It's hard to say." 

They both laughed quietly, their smiles continuing to widen. "What are we gonna do today?"

"We could just lay here all day." 

Kurt let out a breath of laughter. "I wouldn't mind that." 

"I wouldn't either." He pondered quietly, twisting a piece of Kurt's hair around his finger. 

"Wakey wakey love birds!" Came a loud shout. 

Kurt shot up, falling backwards off of the bed with a loud thud and an 'oof'. 

"You ever heard of knocking you idiot?" He scoffed as his gaze landed upon the extremely toned shirtless man standing in the doorway. 

"I have, but I didn't think I'd catch you two in bed together." The man stuck out his tongue. 

He chucked a pillow at the man. "Get outta here Pause." 

Pause put his hands up in defeat. "Fine, fine, I'm leaving." He smirked. "Wouldn't want to interrupt anymore of your cuteness." 

He chucked another pillow, which Pause dodged by darting towards the stairs. "YOUR WERE RIGHT BEEF! HE'S GONE SOFT." He heard Pause yell as he bounded down the steps. 

He rolled his eyes and glanced over the side of the bed, where Kurt sat, tangled in the blankets. "You okay there?" He chuckled, the skin around his eyes crinkling. 

Kurt's cheeks flamed red as his wide eyes met Zisteau's. "I-I." Was all he could manage to say, his mouth hanging open slightly. 

All he could do was laugh at Kurt and his shyness. It was one of the most adorable things he'd ever seen in his entire life. "You are such a nerd." He snickered as he offered a hand to help the other up. 

He pulled Kurt into his lap, snaking his arms around the thin man's waist. "How are you so adorable?" 

"I'm not... But okay." 

"You are, and there's nothing you can say that'll make me think otherwise." He says, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. 

Kurt rolled his eyes, relaxing back against Zisteau, feeling relaxed, at piece, happy. It was definitely a feeling he liked. 

"Why don't we go get breakfast." He suggested, his breathes teasing the delicate skin on Kurt's neck.

"Sure." Kurt says with a smile, getting off of Zisteau's lap. 

The two walked down the couple flights of stairs and into the lounge, where Beef sat in Pause's lap. 

"Morning guys." Beef greets, his cheeks a rosy red.

"And you're saying I'm the one who's gone soft." He scoffs, his gaze on Pause. 

"Don't even go there bro." Pause retorted. 

"Just did." He countered, a sly smirk pulling at his lips. 

Pause rolled his eyes. "Whatever dude, whatever." 

He chuckled as he sat down on the couch, smiling contently as Kurt sat down next to him, their legs pressed against each other's. 

"Food anyone?" Beef asked as he stood from Pause's lap, making his way towards the door, not even waiting for a response. 

"I swear he acts like a house wife sometimes." Pause chuckled, shaking his head lightly.

"At least I have a manly boyfriend." He teased, which earned an adorable rosy red to reach Kurt's cheeks. 

"Ehhh he doesn't seem like a manly man to me." Pause smirked. "But it's not like I'd know, I've ever been in bed with him." 

"Pause!" He warned with a half hearted glare as Kurt turned an even darker shade of red. 

"Hey, I'm just saying man." 

"Stop picking on em' Pause." Beef scolded from the doorway. 

Pause smirked. "Fine, then that just means I get to pick on you later." He wiggled his eyebrows seductively. "If ya know what I mean." 

"Ew." He laughed, sticking out his tongue.

"It was quieter when you weren't home." Beef grumbled, his face an equally dark shade of red compared to Kurt's, as he wandered back into the kitchen. 

"You know you missed me!" Pause countered, jumping out of his seat to follow Beef, that smirk still plastered on his face. 

"You okay?" He asked with a chuckle. "You're redder than a tomato." 

"Y-yeah... I'm fine..." 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks gently, turning fully to face Kurt. 

"I-It's just.... I dunno... I've never had any experience in bed..." Kurt chokes out awkwardly. 

He lets out a bark of laughter. "Is that what all of this is about?" 

Kurt nods shyly. "Yeah... I didn't know if that's change your opinion of me or something..." 

"You are a silly, silly man Kurt." He chuckled, taking Kurt's hands in his own and rubbing circles into the backs of them gently. "None of that matters. And, for the record, I'm a virgin too." 

"R-really?" Kurt asked astonished. "But what about Etho....?" 

"We were both far too young for that, and frankly, neither of us were ready for that." 

Kurt gulped nervously. "So we're on the same page...." 

"Hey now, Kurt, listen." He said gently. "Just because we're both virgins means nothing. It also doesn't mean that we'll just go upstairs right now and fuck. I'm taking this relationship slow, because I truly care about you, and I want to make sure that every second we are together is perfect." 

Kurt smiled lovingly. "Thank you, Zisteau." 

He smiled, brushing hair out of his boyfriend's face. "No need to thank me, I'm just doing what I feel is right." 

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're too good to me.... And it's only been a few days." 

"A few days feels like a long time." 

"True... Which means I get to spend even more time with you." 

He chuckled lightly. "You are a silly, silly man Kurt, you truly are."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some awkward and cute moments

"So how'd visiting the family go?" Zisteau asked curiously after Pause had finally stopped teasing Beef in the kitchen. 

"It went well; was nice seeing them again, it's been too long." Pause says, his gaze landing on Zisteau. "Next time I'm gonna force Beef to come with me." 

"Has he met your family yet?" 

"Nope, he's been too much of a chicken." 

"Wow, you've been together now for what, like three years, and he hasn't met your family?" 

"Almost five, actually." Pause scoffed. "And yeah, I like to say it's because he's too nervous, but he'll tell ya different."

"Damn right I will." Beef scoffed from the doorway. "I've been too busy here at the inn. At least I'm bringing in caps, unlike that deadbeat." 

"Hey now." Pause says defensively, getting up and walking towards Beef. "I brought a hundred caps back with me." 

"That's all? I bring in almost three hundred every day." Beef smirked, stepping even closer to Pause, leaving them toe to toe. 

"At least I'm not a wussy." Pause smirked, his eyes burning with passion. 

"I'll show you I'm not a wussy." 

"And just how do you expect to do that?" 

Beef smirked and stuck his hand down Pause's pants, eliciting a sharp gasp as he ran his fingers along the Indian's length. 

Zisteau took Kurt's hand and pulled him from the room as the heated kissing started. He closed the door to the lounge and kept Kurt's hand in his as he pulled the quiet, blushing man with him into the kitchen; where a frying pan sat on the stove. 

"That was...." Kurt tried, but couldn't seem to finish his sentence. 

"Awkward?" He provided, looking at the mess of ingredients strewn across the dark countertop.

"Very." Kurt chuckled, leaning against a wall. 

"Tell ya what, why don't I whip us up some breakfast and then head upstairs and relax. I think Beef has a tv in one of the rooms that actually works that we can snag." 

"I like that idea." Kurt smiled softly, his blue-red gaze cast on Zisteau. 

He scanned the ingredients as he turned the stove on. "Hmmm, how does Bloodbug steak, potatoes, and sweetrolls sound?" He questioned, his gaze flickering to Kurt briefly. 

Kurt nodded. "Sounds delicious." 

He sent Kurt a smile as he turned back to the stove and put some steak in the pan, instantly hearing the crackling and sizzling. He put the sweetrolls in the oven and started chopping the potatoes. 

"Want any help?" Kurt questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Find me some seasonings?" 

"Sure thing." Kurt says as he wanders over to the cabinet. 

He can't help but watch Kurt for a few seconds, just admiring the lanky man's beauty. God, he wondered how he ended up with such a beautiful man. He shook his head slightly as a small, innocent smile spread across his lips. He set back to work, flipping the steaks and finishing up cutting the potatoes. 

"Here you go." Kurt says, handing Zisteau a bottle of herbs. 

"Thank you." He smiled gently, glancing back at Kurt briefly. "Find plates?" 

"Of course." 

He admired the way Kurt was so kind, despite everything the cruel world they lived in threw at him. 

"Hey Z?" Kurt questioned quietly, standing by the cabinet with two coffee cups in his hands. 

"Hmm?" He hummed, glancing at Kurt with a smile. 

"Still got those coffee grinds?" 

His smile widened as he nodded. "Yeah, upstairs in my satchel. Want me to go get it?" 

"No, it's okay, I can get it." Kurt smiled as he sat the cups on the countertop. 

He sent Kurt a smile as the slim man left the room. He focused back on the food, which smelled simply amazing. He grabbed the two plates from the counter and played the food. He placed a fork on each plate and leaned back against the counter. Kurt entered the room again shortly, the can and a photograph in hand. 

The shy man said nothing as he started brewing the coffee, though, as the water started heating, he finally spoke. "Who's this?" He questioned, holding up the picture. "I found it in your bag and I was curious... Sorry if I'm being nosey or anything." 

He took the picture and just stared at it. He had totally forgotten he'd even had the picture. The corners were dented and the edges wrinkled; the once white border a musty yellow. "It's my brother." He finally answered after staring at the boy in the picture. Blond hair, blue eyes, a bright smile on the thin boy's face. "My mom gave me this picture after the incident, since, well, he didn't make it." 

"Oh... I'm so sorry Zisteau." 

"It's okay Kurt, really, I miss him, but it's been forever since he passed." 

The look of hesitancy in Kurt's eyes spoke volumes to Zisteau; who didn't expect Kurt to set these limitations on himself for this type of situation. "I just, I was curious, and he looks kinda like you." 

"One of the things I've learned." He started, a contemplative look on his face. "Treasure the good moments, the good people, cause there's gonna be hard times, and the memories will pull you through." 

Kurt bit his lip slightly, his head tilted slightly to the side. "That.... That's beautiful Zisteau." He seemed to be almost at a lose for words. 

Zisteau chuckled, carefully folding the picture and sticking it in his pocket. "Just something I learned from a close friend of mine in Goodneighbor." 

"Well they sure have a way with words." 

He let out a breath of laughter. "Actually, what he said was more along the lines of 'don't ever forget the good times dude! Aw fucking shit, my fucking foot!' Let's just say that man can stomach way too much alcohol for his own good." 

A smile spread across Kurt's lips as he laughed lightly. "Ready to head up?" He asked, two cups of steaming coffee in hand. 

He nodded, heading from the kitchen with the two plates in hand. They walked up the stairs in silence, though it was comfortable and relaxed. Once they reached their room, he sat the plates down and moved back towards the door. 

"I'm gonna go find that tv, I'll be back in a few minutes." 

"Okay." Kurt says, sending him a smile. 

He headed back down the stairs and into the room on his left, where he remembered the tv being. He also knew it was Beef's own room, but he knew those two were preoccupied in the lounge, so he'd be set. He found the tv and DVD player, along with multiple stacks of discs. He looked through the discs, eventually finding one that he thought was appropriate. It was dusty, but as he blew off the dust, a blue police box became more prevalent and the tittle; Silver Shroud. 

He somehow managed to get the tv back to their room and got it set up and popped in the disc. "Silver Shroud okay?" He questioned, his gaze landing on Kurt, who had set up blankets and pillows on the floor and was curled up with a blanket; mug of coffee in hand. 

"I've always wanted to see it." Kurt smiled sheepishly, his cheeks a rosy red. 

He couldn't help the smile that grew on his face as he sat down beside Kurt, grabbing his cup and plate and moving just a little closer to his boyfriend, who snuggled against his side. Sometime during the movie, Kurt had put his head on Zisteau's shoulder and Zisteau had rested his head on Kurt's, both wearing small smiles as they watched the movie; both feeling content and happy.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey Z...?" Kurt asked quietly, head still resting limply on Zisteau's shoulder. 

"Hm?" Zisteau hummed quietly, gaze cast out on the rain that still fell from the cloudy sky, though not as heavy as the day before.

"Tell me more about your brother." 

"....Okay?" He said slightly confused. 

"I mean... If you're willing to, that is..." 

He couldn't help but chuckle lightly. "Of course I'm willing to silly." 

"I just didn't know if it was a touchy subject..." 

"Of course it's a touchy subject, but talking about it helps I suppose." He paused briefly, pulling the old picture from his pocket. "My brother and I used to be close. Really close. He was like my best friend; I used to tell him everything. He was the first person I came out to; and he accepted me without even questing it. He told me 'Zisteau, you liking guys doesn't bug me; so don't let any of the haters get to you. They're all judgemental assholes.'" 

"He sounds like a great guy." 

"He was. He really was. He really helped shape who I am."

"You miss him?" 

"Of course I do. But, he's gone and I know he is. There's nothing I can do about it." 

"Have you visited his grave recently?" 

He shook his head sadly. "No, not since I was kicked out of my town." 

"Are you gonna go back home?" 

"I probably should at some point, but I'm not sure. They probably won't want me back, honestly." 

"It's worth trying though, right?" 

"I suppose so." He paused briefly, a thought coming to mind. "Are you ever gonna go back home?" 

Kurt froze. "I-I." He lets out a deep breath. "I guess I'll have to at some point... But I don't know what's left there for me." 

"Closure." 

"Maybe."

"I know you're still hurting Kurt... You try to hide it, but it's easy to tell." 

Kurt simply sighs, moving back from Zisteau slightly; just enough to meet his eyes. "I only try to hide it so I seem stronger than I actually am, I guess." 

"But you are strong Kurt. And showing your feelings makes you even stronger." 

"You've said that before...." 

"Because it's true." 

Kurt sighs again. "You know I don't believe it." 

"I know, and I'm determined to find a way to make you believe that you are." 

"You're persistent." 

"Of course I am! Did you expect any less of me?" He teased with a goofy smile. 

A smile spread across Kurt's perfect lips as he laughed softly. "I expected more, to be honest." He replied snarkily.

"Oh did you now?" He smirked slightly, mischief burning in his blue-green eyes.

"I did indeed." 

His smirk grew as his fingers found their way into Kurt's soft brown hair. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Kurt's; which were far softer than he'd ever imagined. Kurt kissed back slowly, his hands moving to rest on Zisteau's shoulders. 

"That closer to what you expected?" He asked after their lips had parted, eyes finally opening again.

"I-I'm not sure." Kurt stuttered out, his cheeks red, and an undeniably adorable smile gracing his lips. 

He let out a breath of laughter, the air teasing Kurt's lips. A thought grasped his attention. "Was that your first kiss?" 

Kurt nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. "Y-yeah..." 

He placed a kiss on Kurt's nose. "I think that's adorable." 

Kurt's cheeks instantly became a few shades darker as he laughed nervously. 

"You know, you're one of the cutest people I've ever met."

"H-how?" 

"You just are beautiful, you just are." 

He placed a kiss on Kurt's head before standing up and walking towards the small balcony and pushing the doors open gently. He stepped out onto the damp wood and looked out at the dull world. The sky had started lighting up; becoming a pale grey instead of a sickly green. The rain had stopped falling at some point during the movie they'd been watching. He took in a deep breath; smelling the acidic rain that had fallen and now rested in puddles littering the dead grass.

"We should be able to leave today." He commented, walking back into the room; eyeing the man who still sat amongst the nest of blankets and pillows on the floor.

"Okay." Was the man's answer as he stood up slowly. 

He helped get the blankets back on the bed and straightened up the room before grabbing his satchel and heading for the door. He started down the stairs slowly, helping Kurt along the way so he wouldn't falling from his lack of depth perception. 

"You guys leaving?" Beef asked from behind the bar. 

He nodded. "Yeah, if we want it to Goodneighbor by tonight then we have to go within the hour." 

"I see." Beef comments, wiping a glass. "Well it was good seeing you Z; it had been too long." 

That made a smile tug at his chapped lips. "It was good seeing you too." 

"And Kurt; it was nice meeting you. Glad things worked out for the two of you." 

"It was nice meeting you too, Beef." Kurt said with a small smile, shaking the hand that was held out to him. 

Beef and Zisteau shared a quick hug. "Where's Pause?" 

Beef shrugs. "Said something about hunting as he left about thirty minutes ago." 

"Ah, well tell him it was great seeing him again for me." 

"I'll make sure he knows." Beef said; that kind and warm smile spread across his lips.

"We'll be off then; see you later Beef." 

"See ya Z, Kurt." 

He held out his hand for Kurt to take and the two headed hand in hand out into the humid mid-afternoon air. He kept his shotgun in hand as they walked; knowing that he'd eventually have to use it. But; mostly because he would protect Kurt over anything else, including himself; for the little time he'd known Kurt, the shy man had become one of the most important things in this cruel, cruel world.


End file.
